When Shamini left today, I have a sudden feeling of emptiness. I am back to who I was before that. Working until late at night even during holidays, coming back with an empty stomach with all other homeworks waiting for me to complete.I feel so afraid to walk down the same path again where tears drop down my face every single moment when I am conscious about myself and my only accompaniment is the my pillow and the four walls around my room. Is it because I still can't let it go or is it because too much sorrow in the past that stop me from moving on?I thought everything will be fine.I thought I had recovered completely.But,maybe I am just pretending to be happy.I have went through all these terrible moments by myself.Even though all I did is just crying until I am too tired to think, I haven't let go my responsibility as a student.I was still studying and doing homework when I am crying. I realized that there are some clear water mark on some of my assignments because of my tears. Everybody asks me to move on. But, what does moving on means? Do you know what I have lost? It is not a just an useless guy. I have lost two friends, my trust,my life principles and my beliefs. I used to trust every single things that others told me easily but now I doesn't want to trust any other guy except for my father and my brother. For me, guys just appear to be helpful and sincere to a girl so as to take advantage of her and after that,he will suddenly disappear or turn into a monster who doesn't even bother to care about you when you are sick. I used to believe in fairy tales. But, now, I think fairy tales are just a fantasy that would never become a reality for me. I doubt if true love still exist. My main principle in terms of forgiving others is that I will never do anything to take revenge on those who have hurt me because hurting them will only make me as bad as them. But then I realized that there is a limit to forgiveness. How can forgive a person who doesn't even want my forgiveness? Moreover, is there anything to move on if I all am doing now is just the same as all I did before I was hurt? There is still tons of homeworks and exams waiting ahead of me and the only thing that I can do is just waiting for my tears to dry.
To my lovely sister, it is really not true that I doesn't care about you that I didn't want to mention anything about you in my blog but it's just that your love is too far away. But,I promised you that I will always have that special place for you in my heart. Sorry if you think that I am not tough enough to handle my terrible love story. I have really tried my best but the pain that I have in the past is too great that I am too weak to fight back.
Of earthquake & burger
11 years ago
1 comment:
*huggies* it is tough to move on.. even tough to actually realize whatever u have believed so far have been proven wrong by one incident.. but thinking bout it alone cannot change anything...in fact, it is only gonna make u weaker.so take the good part and leave the sadness.come out of it as a stronger person. i know it is easy to say but if u try, im sure u will see at least a lil difference. i bliv you can do it..just try ok..dont worry u have people who trust and love you around you..so u can always come back to us when you need.. at the same time, life is short..so enjoy it to the max.....:)))
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