Sick

I have a fever last night.After eating a pill,I went to sleep.After having almost 12 hours of sleep,i wake up and found out that my head is spinning.The worst part is that I can't actually talk much now since I am having a sore throat at the same time.Sigh.No delicious food for me today.All I can eat is just porridge and bread but maybe it's fine for me since I don't really have the appetite to eat ianything.Sigh.Two of my CS exams are coming.How can I be sick at this critical time?

My second recipe- Tofu with dried prawn

Insomnia

It's 3.37am and I am still awake.I am back to who I am now,a person who sleeps in the evening and wake up in the middle of the night.What happen to me?I used to that when I am too sad to sleep because before I sleep,I will always reflect on the recent happening that took place.But now,I am too scare to think about it.Maybe that's why i want to let myself be as tired as I could but i know it doesn't work.I feel so weak with all the tortures to my mind.I end up being mentally and physically exhausted.What should I do?For every single word I said to him,he won't listen.Am I demanding too much?I just want to put an end to all my sufferings but he don't even want to face it.All he said is just that he is a bad guy so being a bad guy, he can be irresponsible.For me, it's just a lame excuse,an excuse that frees him from responsibility.Again,he choose to take the easy way out. How can one grow if he is too afraid to face the truth?I am prepare to face the truth now even though the truth is often cruel but this problem belongs to the two of us.I can't move on if he is too afraid to face me.I know that even if I go and talk to him,he won't listen to me or he might just pretending to listen or he might just walk away and let me continue suffering.My only wish is that he listen to every single word I said and let me cry in front of him as hard as I could.Is he brave enough to do that?

My best mooncake festival lunch ever

I cook my favorite dish- vegetable with braised mushroom today to celebrate mooncake festival and it turns out pretty well.I consider it as the most delicious food that I have cooked so far.Sue yen,thank you very much for your recipe!

If there isn't any beginning,then there shouldn't be any ending

I am confused.If there isn't any beginning after all,then there shouldn't be any ending.I remember suffering through the beginning and crying over for the bad ending and everything in between is not really something that I considered as "happy".So,I ask myself.What is that chunk of memory then?I regret but yet I feel that it is so unreal.I let you stab my fagile heart into pieces and end up hurting myself.Why do I suffer the pain of that chunk of memory when there isn't any beginning after all?Do I care so much about the beginning and the ending?Maybe but I believe that there is a cause for all happenings so there must be a beginning in order to reach the ending.Maybe it's just me who is so stubborn to let it go but who will get hurt for nothing?Are you going to tell me that it is a bad dream that happens in my real life?It is really like a dream for me because we are back to what we are before the beginning.Maybe I just trying to escape from the pain but it seems to me that nothing is left from that chunk of memory except for the meaningless pain that you brought to me.Now I am still wondering if there is any beginning in the first place but if there isn't any beginning,why would there be an ending?

Nothing is forever

Is there an end to all the pain that i feel now?I thought i am tired enough today but i realise that i can't stop thinking about him even when i close my eyes.Then,the next thing i know is that I am crying again.Then,tons of thoughts and memory start to appear on my mind. What is left when all my trusts for you are gone?I remember sue yen's reply,"nothing is left,just move on".Now,I agree with her that nothing is left,not even a single piece of sweet memory because all those happy moment just hurts me more than anything else.How many have I cry because of the cruel words that he say to me?Countless.Then,why am i still calling him?To get hurt again?I don't know.Maybe it's my heart that tells me to do so and I just follow my heart even though my mind keeps warning me to avoid him.I know that I have to let it go even though i thought i have risked everything for him.For me,it's not that we doesn't match each other,it is just that he doesn't love me anymore.Actually,i know that this break-up will happen eventually.Almost everytime i hug him,I had already feel the pain of losing him and that is why i often cry but somehow i heard a small voice telling me that it doen't matter.Why it doesn't matter?Maybe i am just trying to cherish every moment we are together because I know that it won't last for long.I thought at least something like friendship and true love will last forever but it's just a dream that will never come true.Life will eventually leads to death just like love will eventually die away.Nothing is forever.............................

Mental Break down

Countless tears have drop down my faces because of you.I think I start to lose confidence of myself.I want to scold you as much as possible but at the same time i know that it wouldn't help.I feel so angry to myself because of trusting you and at the same time i couldn't stop blaming myself.I just can't hate you even though deep down i want to do so.I end up hating myself.Why am I putting all the responsibility on myself if I somehow know I have try my best?I thought I must have done something wrong in some way.Am I not good enough?I don't know.I just think that I am the stupiest person in the world.How can I forgive a person who hurts me so much?And I even ask for help from God so that I can have the strength to forgive you.It kills me when I think of every moment that I spend with you because I really don't know if there is any truth left?Are you forcing yourself to be happy when we are together?Am I such a horrible person to be with?I just have no faith on myself anymore.I feel like it is the end of the world.I try as hard as I could to keep myself busy but when I am free for even a single second,I feel sad and tears start dripping down.I feel so helpless.What can I do to make myself feel better?Cry as much as I want?Sometimes I found myself shaking while hiding inside my comforter.I am so afraid.I don't want to be burden to my friends but at the same time I wish that I can have a big hug.I feel that I am so fragile but I just don't want to show the weak part of me to anybody.What can I do?I really don't know.......................

Transforming image using C++ ( My First Machine problem)

The original image

After making some transfomation,I create the image above!