Mental Break down

Countless tears have drop down my faces because of you.I think I start to lose confidence of myself.I want to scold you as much as possible but at the same time i know that it wouldn't help.I feel so angry to myself because of trusting you and at the same time i couldn't stop blaming myself.I just can't hate you even though deep down i want to do so.I end up hating myself.Why am I putting all the responsibility on myself if I somehow know I have try my best?I thought I must have done something wrong in some way.Am I not good enough?I don't know.I just think that I am the stupiest person in the world.How can I forgive a person who hurts me so much?And I even ask for help from God so that I can have the strength to forgive you.It kills me when I think of every moment that I spend with you because I really don't know if there is any truth left?Are you forcing yourself to be happy when we are together?Am I such a horrible person to be with?I just have no faith on myself anymore.I feel like it is the end of the world.I try as hard as I could to keep myself busy but when I am free for even a single second,I feel sad and tears start dripping down.I feel so helpless.What can I do to make myself feel better?Cry as much as I want?Sometimes I found myself shaking while hiding inside my comforter.I am so afraid.I don't want to be burden to my friends but at the same time I wish that I can have a big hug.I feel that I am so fragile but I just don't want to show the weak part of me to anybody.What can I do?I really don't know.......................