原来我是那么地软弱

我看着那一大堆做不完的功课时，摸摸自己烫热的脸颊，我几乎失去了以前引以为荣的毅力。我用被单盖着自己的头，紧紧地闭上双眼，心里面好希望我能从这世界消失，但我发觉我却没有勇气那么做。

I still have a long way to go

Today, when I go into my house, I realized that there is somebody in my bedroom. He is the old maintenance guy who came to fix the kitchen light. He chatted with me for quite a long. I guess he somehow recognized me because there is something in my house that happened to be broken for some reasons and from the flooding experience that nobody has in the history of the apartment that I living in. I feel kinda bad since my bedroom is still messy as usual but it is definitely better than last time. But, instead of criticizing about the cleanliness of the house, he actually turned out to be very helpful and he even checked to see if there is other things that need to be fixed. Before the old man left, he even praised me by saying "I know that you have been through a lot and you really did a good job. I can't imagine what I will do if I were you." I was touched since I thought it must be very troublesome for him to come every single time and yet he is so considering and helpful. It is really an overwhelming experience for me to live in this apartment. I didn't even have flood in Malaysia before and yet I have experience twice in the same apartment. My heart was broken over here and I cry so much compared to the first year I came to US. I can't even cook a proper meal before and now I can cook whatever I like. I started my first job a few months after I moved in and the best part is I was able to do most of my works in my room. This is the place where Shamini stayed before she left and whenever I saw her red comforter, I think of the times I spent with her. Our relationship became much closer a few months before she left and she even slept beside me in the same bed before . Even though I had had so many sad experience in the apartment, I still like it more compared to my dorm room since I think of it as my second home. There is still a few months left before I moved out to a new apartment so I really need to appreciate every single moment that I spend here.

My Sushi ^_^

Kimchi Pancake

怀念从前

再别康桥

轻轻的我走了，
正如我轻轻的来；
我轻轻的招手，
作别西天的云彩。
　
那河畔的金柳，
是夕阳中的新娘；
波光里的艳影，
在我的心头荡漾。
　
软泥上的青荇，
油油的在水底招摇；
在康河的柔波里，
我甘心做一条水草！
　
那榆荫下的一潭，
不是清泉，
是天上虹；
揉碎在浮藻间，
沉淀着彩虹似的梦。
　
寻梦？撑一支长篙，
向青草更青处漫溯；
满载一船星辉，
在星辉斑斓里放歌。
　
但我不能放歌，
悄悄是别离的笙箫；
夏虫也为我沉默，
沉默是今晚的康桥！
　
悄悄的我走了，
正如我悄悄的来；
我挥一挥衣袖，
不带走一片云彩。


这首诗是我第一次在众人面前朗诵的第一首诗。记得当时我们正在讨论诗歌的含义，沉默寡言的我终于鼓起勇气在同学们面前发表我的意见。胆小的我怕得忘词，说了一堆不经大脑的话。老师先是不出声地望着我，几乎在思考些什么。过后，她便叫我在同学们面前朗诵这一首诗。我只好硬着头皮照办了。朗诵完毕后，同学们竟以热烈的掌声表示对我的支持与鼓励。我还记得我的好友还在记念册上告诉我纵使她认识我许久但却不知道我会朗诵诗歌呢！虽然事隔已久，但如今那首诗仍不时的浮现在我的脑海里。 悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来，我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩…那潇洒自如的态度正是我所向往的。悄悄的来，悄悄的离开，不为即将降临的离别而落泪。可是，难道世界上真的有人能不为悲欢离合而落半滴眼泪吗？欢喜之泪，悲伤之泪，我想眼泪的存在一定有它的意义吧。

Food Again

Tom Yam






Curry Chicken (My favorite) ^_^




Last night I decided to cook curry chicken for Teda and Ily. Teda says my cooking skills improve again.Haahaa....I like the curry so much. Even though I spend quite a lot of time in cooking in but I feel so happy when I found out that it actually turned out to be so delicious and my friends loves so much!!!^_^



Brownies

A tear of me

Don't ask me the reason behind this tear because it will bring another tears to me.

Yummy!!!!- All the food that I cooked recently

Steamed Fish






Pot Stickers(Fried Dumplings)





Chicken Soup (Good for preventing flu according to the recipe)



Kimchi Fried Rice

我踏出了第一步…但

说真的，我从来也未因身边的朋友太少而积极地去认识更多朋友。或许，是因为我太幸运了，打从小学开始已经认识了一个难得的知己，而且转眼间便与她同窗六年。我想到目前为止，我生命中最快乐的日子莫过于中学时与她相处的时候了。我们几乎拥有相同的梦想，相同的兴趣，甚至拥有相同的思想。但，为了我的前途，我们却被迫分开了。我记得她知道我得到奖学金的那一刻是悲伤的，她当然不是不替我高兴，而是为我们的分离感到不舍。我曾经以为朋友不在乎多或少，只要是知心朋友，那就足够了。但，近来我发觉自己总是坐在课室的一个小小的的角落，静静地听课，很少与身边的人交谈。每当我的教授要求我们与身边的朋友交换意见时，我的孤独变得更加明显了，甚至有一次我的教授必须走到我面前说服我去找其他同学讨论当天的课题，我只好硬着头皮照办了。今晚的我终于提起勇气，主动参与一个晚会，希望能结交更多与我同样课系的朋友。可是，当我到达晚会的餐厅时，我却感到失望透了。当我正为不知该坐那儿的问题而苦恼时，我看见了刚才与我一同搭巴士的女子。我犹豫了一会儿，好不容易才鼓起勇气，开口问她是否能与她同座，但却被她拒绝了。过后，我只好默默地离开晚会的现场。当我独自走在那无人的道路时，我只能告诉自己至少我勇敢地踏出了第一步。我想我再也没有勇气主动去结交新朋友了。

郁金香

郁金香是我的最爱。上个星期我心血来潮，为自己买了一束浅紫色的郁金香，希望为我那沉闷的房间带来生气。每天早上起来后，我总会望一望那一朵朵美丽的郁金香，它们的吸引力足以让我不知不觉地靠近它们。那淡淡的花香唤醒了我，告诉我这又是新的一天的开始，让我开始像它们一样，期待着那温暖的阳光。你知道我为什么对郁金香情有独钟吗？对我而言，玫瑰太妖艳了，即使为玫瑰换上浅色的衣裳，它还是藏不住它那扭曲且凹凸的花瓣，而郁金香虽平凡但却散发出那简单的美玫瑰也太脆弱了，总是很容易凋谢，而郁金香那厚厚的花瓣让它看起来总是那么的坚强，即使知道它那短暂的生命即将结束，依然维持不变，几乎拥有无穷的生命力。其实，郁金香最大的特色在于它那似真似假的外表。有人说人生如梦，郁金香就像复杂的人生一样，似真似假，有时候连我也分不清真与假。花儿的盛开不为人们的赞许，而是为了延续它那宝贵的生命。其实，人人都有机会观赏花儿的美，但人们往往只会称赞美丽的花儿，只有懂得欣赏它的人才会懂得珍惜它那潜有的美。

Egg tarts

The first tray of egg tarts (It may not look very nice but it is actually delicious)


I found out that using the muffin pan actually makes the egg tarts look ugly. This is the second tray(I didn't use the muffin pan this time).

After that, the tarts look even better.


The whole process of making the egg tarts took me more than 4 hours because rolling the dough for the crust is really a painful task. However, it smells so nice when I am baking it. The tarts really taste nice but I doubt I would ever make it again because it is really a tiring job.

My Valentine

My gifts



Tulips that I loved so much

Happy Valentine's Day!!! ^_^

I thought there is no point celebrating Valentine's Day when I am single but I get more I have ever expected. Ily woke me up early this morning to wish me Happy Valentine's Day but I was half asleep and can't even open my eyes. The next thing I realized was that she even brought a cute pink roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolate for me. I think this is the first time I received chocolate for Valentine's Day. Oh....she is so sweet and thoughtful. Then, when I check my email today, I received an e-card from my mum wishing me "Happy Hearts Day". I realized that today is not only a day for a lover to express his or her feelings towards the significant other but also a special day to show your love towards your friends and family. Valentine's Day is a celebration of love. I feel so ashamed that I always complain that I am too far away from love but I realized that love is actually by my side all this while.

To my friends who are having exams on this special day including me, "Good luck for your exams".
To all my beloved friends, "I love you and thanks for your love!!!!!!Happy Valentine's Day!!!!"

最真挚的感动

很多时候人总会在人群中感到迷茫。我承认我是一个没有主见的跟随者，总爱跟着别人的脚步走，往往忽略了自己的需要。 也因为这样我迷失了自己，也遗忘了当初的梦想。但最近观看了恶作剧2吻之后，我几乎有所启发。我所盼望的不是荣华富贵，而是助人所带来的快乐。就像之前的我一直想要有一个 难忘又特别的生日，但最后我还是选择了跟几个亲密的朋友一起庆祝。我亲自动手做了一个蛋糕并煮了我最拿手的椰浆饭，希望他们能与我分享我踏入二十一岁的那一天。虽然我知道这样的庆祝方式有点太简单了，但我却觉得很幸福。我亲爱的家人，你们知道吗？我的愿望其实只不过是希望能亲自为你们下厨准备一顿丰富的晚餐，然后看着你们吃的开开心心的样子我就已经心满意足了。我发觉幸福真的可以很简单，只要有一颗知足的心，幸福就会在你左右。

A tiring day-Changing carpet

I slept around 6am today then somebody from the Ramshaw real estate came into my bedroom and wake me up 8am telling me to move all my stuffs away from the floor. I had to drag myself up and start moving things around. Before I am able to get up from the bed, the girl who wakes me up left already.Then,another person from the company called to inform me that I had to be in the house for the whole day to monitor the whole carpet-changing process. When I am worrying about not being able to attend classes for today, my neighbor volunteered to stay at the house for me so I have to run to class. When I came back from class, I was speechless once I stepped into my apartment. All the things including the furnitures in the apartment are thrown in a messy way in the living room. Moreover, some leftover food and rubbish also serve as decorations to the living room. All the carpets on the floor of every single room are being pulled out. I stared blankly to my living room for a while.I feel so dizzy and helpless. I feel like crying aloud. Is it really my apartment?Is it really a place for human being to live in? I know that it is good that the company is willing to change the carpets in the whole apartment for free but is it necessary to throw my stuffs everywhere and mess up all the things? I can't imagine how much time it takes to get things organized again. I guess I am not going to have a nice sleep tonight again.

Flood

Before






After

My Apartment is FLOODED.....I am HOMELESS

I was talking happily to Ily before stepping into my house just now. The next thing I realized is that water is coming into the living room through the sliding door. My mind went blank and all I did is just going to the next door and called for help.It was raining heavily outside and nothing seems to be able to stop the water from coming in. Teda tried to block the water from coming in through the door with my hello kitty toilet carpet and some plastic bags but it is useless. The water keeps spreading until it get into our bedroom. The whole toilet and the small little kitchen are all flooded. I try calling my landlord but they say there are many other apartments in the town that are flooded too so I have to wait for them to come. When the maintenance guy finally came, the water had gone to almost 3 inches high. Then the guy told us that our case is the worst among others for tonight. I feel like crying but at the same time I feel so helpless. I look at the water, staring blankly at my beloved bedroom but I can't do anything now. I know that I can't stay at the apartment for tonight so I am basically homeless for tonight. Even though the guys told us that we can go and stay at the hotel for tonight and the landlord is going to pay for the accommodation later but nobody wants to stay at the hotel tonight except for me since I am too tired to clean up anything.So, now, I end up staying in my friend's apartment which is in the same building.....Sigh.....What an extraordinary experience!

眼泪是残酷的事实

不知为什么，每次与马来西亚朋友的集会回来时总会有少许的落寞。心里明明知道自己很少与其他华人交谈，但却被逼与他们同桌吃饭。 坐在我身旁的女生几乎看透了我的心，开口问我为什么一直保持沉默。我只好对她说也许我太累了。其实，这几天我一直没有睡好，有好几晚我都是躺在电脑前睡着的。 你是否曾经身在人群中但却觉得更寂寞呢？这种感觉就像是不论你拥有多少个朋友但却没有一个能真正地了解你一样。我知道我的眼泪不能一直流，但我发觉眼泪对我来说是残酷的事实。刚刚我问过我自己到底我还需要流多少的眼泪才能顺利地迈向成功之路？我想我的眼泪是不会流干的，因为我所流过的每一滴眼泪都不停地在唤醒我要继续坚持下去，因为我的眼泪告诉我无论我多么希望能有人在乎我所流过的泪但最后的我依然必须独自行走前面的路。

My 21st Birthday

Take a first look at my cake!


Then,put some mashimaro and caramel on top.

My teacher who taught me how to bake my first birthday cake.

Take a close look of my very first birthday cake!!!

My cake with the cute candle on it




I am blowing off the candle.

My cake and a present from Teda and Ily (Guess what is inside the box?)


A box of tissue!!!! (Does it imply that I cry too much?)


All the gifts I received

A moody day

The sky is so gloomy today so is my mood. I haven't actually had a real smile on my face today. I feel so tired mentally and physically. I really have to admit that I am not good at programming at all but I have to do 3 programming assignment every single week. Two of them are for my computer science class which involve writing in C and assembly language MIPS while another one is for my work as an undergraduate assistant which involving using Visual Basic in Excel. I am too overwhelmed with the programming assignments that we have to do.Even though I have two partners working together for the two mps, I still feel very stressful since I don't want to be the useless one in the group but I have admit that I am slow in understanding difficult concepts. Imagine having to meet your lab partners more than twice a week and at the end of each meeting, one of my partners will ask the same question :"When are we going to meet for the next mp?" I have been thinking of going swimming for relaxing since I miss swimming in the Aquatics Center without having to worry about completing my mp. I know that there are much more important things in the world than programming but this is my life and I have to live with it even if it numbs my feelings. The worst part is that since one of my mp is due on Friday, I am going to celebrate my birthday by doing programming with my lab partners.It is not that I don't want to tell my partners that I need a break for my birthday but it is just that even if I am free on the day, I don't have anything in mind to do since most of my friends are busy on that day.