CS Award Ceremony

I was so nervous today because I think it will be the last time throughout my undergraduate years to receive an award from the CS Department since I know that I didn't do well this semester. I feel that I am so lucky for receiving this award. At the same time, I am impressed by the cool projects carried out by students and instructors within the department. I wish I will have the chance to be involved in those computing competition as well!

Sleepy

Again,I am getting only 3-4 hours of sleeps on a few consecutive days. I feel likes one of my eyes are punched by someone strong because it seems to be half-open.I don't know how long can I stay up like this.There seems to be so much stuffs to do and so little time. I really hope that this semester will end soon.

是我太善良了吗？还是我太容易被欺负了？

有时候，我真的觉得很无奈。心里明明生气一个人，但几乎每个人都认为我仿佛不可能生气任何人。
有时候，就算我已经很直接地告诉他们我的不快，他们还是会以为我在开玩笑，那时候我只好自己生闷气。是我太善良了吗？还是我太容易被欺负了？有时候，我会问自己为什么对别人那么好？我现在为他们做的，他们会为我做同样的事吗？往往我心里面的答案都是不会。到了最后结果还不是一样吗？我还不是一个人在逞强吗？可是，有时候，我真的好累，或许是因为我不太懂得该如何经营人与人之间的关系吧！

单身或许也是一种幸福

今天我突然觉得单身其实也可是一种幸福。我发现身边的人都为暗恋某个人而心里感到忐忑不安。当然，我知道其实暗恋一个人也可以是很幸福，但是你的情绪总会随着他的一举一动而心神不定，因此这可能是一种折磨。有时候，我觉得心里空空的，或许是因为我还未找到那个让我心跳加速的人吧。但是，想一想，或许这并不是一件坏事吧。要是属于我的幸福是值得期待的，那现在心无所属的我就可以专心地等待我要的幸福。希望在不久的将来我能可以找到一个真心爱我的人！在此，我也衷心地祝福我亲爱的朋友，希望你们能找到属于你们的幸福！

阿桑走了

我还记得当初“阿桑”的名字是取于“历经沧桑”的含义。其实，我总觉得她的声音虽带点悲伤但却因如此而具有感染力。有时候，当我用心聆听“叶子”时，眼泪就会从眼眶慢慢地滑落下来，或许是因为我仿佛能够感受到演唱者的寂寞吧，也或许是因为她唱出了我的心声。刚才不敬意地发觉这位让我敬佩的歌手竟因乳癌逝世了。我真的不敢相信这个消息是真的。我只能说人生无常，或许今天我所执着的事到了明天已经不重要了。突然间，我好想听听“寂寞在唱歌”这首歌哦。这次，我哭了，我觉得这首歌比“叶子”更为伤感，她唱出了我内心的空虚，让我在这个黑暗的夜里感到更为孤独。我衷心地希望阿桑能得到真正的解脱，从此不会感到寂寞了。

An Unforgettable Buffet during Winter Break @ Jogaya

Photos available at My sister's blog:

http://ariestsy33.blogspot.com/

失眠

今晚我又失眠了。想想大概已经好几天没睡好了。不懂怎么搞的，每每拖住疲倦的身体躺在床上时，脑海里就会浮现出等待完成的功课及读不完的书。反正睡不着，我便上网看看数学科的网站， 竟然发觉上星期五刚考的试放榜了。当我看到我的分数时立刻傻了眼，怎么考的那么差呀？真搞不懂当初为何花那么多的时间去准备。有时候，我真希望能停下来休息一会儿。我真的好累，星期二及星期四的考试，还有星期二及星期五要交的功课。我在想我真的能顺利把他们一一完成吗？但，星期四的考试完毕之后已经很晚了，我真的来得及做我的功课吗？我好烦哦，或许我应该大声呼喊但凌晨七时尚未入睡的我已经没力气这么做了。

幸福

今天，我收到了Karen寄来的幸福御守。我看着它，发觉幸福仿佛离我越来越远了。有时候，我觉得自己是幸福的，因为我在学业上所付出的心血都得到了回报。可是，当我好想把好消息告诉我身边的人时，我却发觉好难找到那个能与我分享快乐的人。我真的顾着读书而忽略了他们的感受吗？其实，最令我痛心的是那个我最在乎的人并不知道她在我心里面有多么地重要。我一直告诉自己我一定要坚持下去，因为我希望我所爱的人能够以我为荣，但我坚持真的值得坚持吗？要是到了最后我才发觉我赔上了的是我的幸福，我该怎么办？要是到了最后我才发觉当踏上成功的道路上的那一刻，我所爱的人却离我越来越远的时候，我又该怎么办？其实，对我来说，能与我心里最挂念的那些人在一起是我一直盼望的幸福，但或许那只是我一厢情愿的想法。我知道很多人都说我爱哭，但我不知道如何去承受那些伤人的话，更加不知道如何去面对那些误解我的人。

Happy Valentine's Day

I felt so sad when I saw people carrying flower around the campus yesterday because it reminded me of my previous relationship. Furthermore, I am stressing out knowing that I am going to spend the entire day today doing my programming and exams. I still remember that I am touched when I received the wonderful gifts from Ily last year because I think without the gifts, Valentine's Day maybe an ordinary day of doing programming like what Sue Yen mention in my facebook. Therefore, starting from this year, I tell myself that I have to start sending gifts to those around me so that they can feel my love as a friend. I hope that a packet of their favorite chocolate can help to brighten their days. This morning, I surprised my housemate by placing a gift on the table in the living room and then went back to sleep. When I wake up, I saw her smiling happily to me and I feel so contented since I always want to make her happy especially knowing that she was stressing out because of her heavy homework load and exams. I would like to wish my friends Happy Valentine's Day. I am lucky to have friend like you and I wish that you will always have a sweet smile on your face.

Chinese New Year Dinner

Hope that I make the right choice

I am constantly worried about my unforeseen future ever since I have decided that I will go to Graduate School after I graduate. Of course, I do miss home so much and there are so many times when I just feel like breaking down and hoping that I can go back to my comfortable home to be with my family. Last week, my professor said that the reason that most CS students choose their major is that they don't want to go out to socialize with people because all they wanted to do is sit in front of their computer. A few days ago, Teda told me that she thought that all the CS students are weird because most of them don't know how to dress accordingly even during the award ceremony. Actually, sometimes I wonder if I become less sociable because of these or it is the major I choose that make me less sociable. I think I am not attracted to CS because I just want to sit in front of the computer instead of interacting with others. In my first CS class, I had a female professor who seemed to be enjoy teaching the class so much that I wish that I could share the same joy of teaching too. To tell the truth, I think I had learned a lot from all the CS classes that I had taken but I still think that I need to learn more and this is one of the reason that I want to stay here for my master program. It may sound weird that I have to start worrying about graduate school during my junior year but I have to send in my application during my junior year for my BS/MS program(I can avoid taking 20++ hours compared to the ordinary Master program).
Another thing that worries me is the specification that I chose. There are System,Database,Graphics, Human-Computer Interaction, Languages, Artificial Intelligence,security and network to choose from but I still haven't figured out which one to choose. If I choose AI, I will start building robots but I think robotics is not suitable for me. Most of my friends told me that they will choose database but I think database is kind of boring. Maybe I think I may choose Graphics since I always fantacized of building all those 3D animation. Hope I will figure out soon. @_@

I think I have become more proffesional in my field my study

I remember Pui Yeen's teasing me when we were back in INTEC that she couldn't believe that I will be sort of an IT expert after studying for a few years. Even though I have chosen my major long time ago, I would agree with her that I was blurred and so innocent when it comes to computer-relating problems. But, now, I think it worths the effort of spending so much time in programming and studying. A few days ago, I chatted with my friends through MSN while I was doing my programming. She told me not to be worried about not knowing much about programming then she explained that some of her friends who are Math majors need to take programming classes as well. To tell the truth, I used to be afraid of doing programming since I am not confident with my skills. But, this semester I had experienced something totally different. I will have the chance to critisize other's source code and present my ideas in front of my classmates. For me, it is like an "extreme" version of programming since I need to write comments in my code and strike for perfection in my code. I think going through the whole process really makes a better programmer. Moreover, I am also taking a computer ethics class this semester.Even though I don't really like to read news even though relating to my major, I get to learn about the pros and cons of the advancement of technology. The most important thing is that I get to learn how to be a well-respected profession in my area of study. For my current assignment, I need to write an analysis on the effect of the Internet towards the US election. I think it will fun to actually do a research on the different methods used by both candidates. I guess it is still really cool being a computer science major after all the sleepless nights spent on programming!

What is the purpose of studying?

I don't really feel like eating these few days. Of course, it is not about dieting. I think I hate the days when I feel like I eat for the sake of eating because I no longer savor the taste of food. Life over here is mundane. All I did every day is going to class,doing programming or studying. I find it difficult to find any entertainment over here. Even if I did, having fun alone just makes me feel lonelier. So, what is the purpose of studying? To prepare for the endless exams ahead of us?I think I just wish that I can find little surprises in my boring student life.

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Busy

Thanks for all the concerns and regards that I have received these few weeks.Sorry if I didn't have time to reply some of you. When some classes are getting more demanding, I find out that I didn't have any time left for myself. I can only say that I am busy and I am trying my best to do everything right. These few weeks I had been studying and doing assignments in the library for almost every day including weekend. Do I get to stop and rest for a while? I guess now. As far as I know, I had one exam tomorrow and another exam(the one that I failed last time) in the coming week. Apart from that, some other problems trouble me. My ex-housemate apparently didn't turn in her key for our previous apartment and my landlord sent me a letter stating the costs for everything including the repairs in my previous apartment. Then, there is another problem caused by her boyfriend who didn't pay for his phone bill and end up having all of us who share the same phone plan to divide the amount among ourselves. Maybe it is a question of ethics but I feel so annoyed that I had to suffer because of the irresponsibility of others. Hopefully everything will be settled soon.

I fail my first midterm

Today is a bad day for me. I just found out that I get20.5/60 for my first CS373 midterm. This is lowest score I had ever get so far. Even though the average is not high(29-30), I am so surprised and worried when I found out about my score. I kept telling myself there must be some mistakes in grading but I feel even worse when I got back my paper. I remember I had a tough week last week. Exam...paper....programming....assignment..feeling sick.....I thought I had tried my best to sort things out but I think I was wrong. I didn't get enough sleeps nor eating enough food just to make sure that I can finish doing all those things but everything went wrong. I was supposed to rush to my East Asian Literature class but I was so keen on finish the readings for that class that I end up going late to my discussion. When I reached the classroom, I found out that everybody has started doing their weekly quizzes and all I had is less than 5 minutes to finish the quiz and I don't even get a chance to finish reading all those questions. Then, my TA reminds us of the importance of being punctual to class. I think that it is unfair because I always arrive early to class but yet arriving late once makes me the "guilty" one. Why can't she be more understanding? Maybe it is my fault after all. I was feeling so sad so I thought reading might help but I don't realize that time passed by so fast and the next thing I do is running to the class. Is there anything I can do better? I think I had devoted most of my time finishing my assignment and studying for the exams. I don't know what else to do.

Sick of doing programming

I just finished the difficult exams on Thursday and yet I am not totally free now even though I do not have any exam next week. I still have my programming assignment every week and I have to write some code for my job as well. Programming...Programming and programming. I get tons of emails from my TA regarding the changes on this week programming assignment and my boss regarding future programming projects. To tell the truth, I don't like programming at all. I don't know what classes I plan to take next semester but I wish that I don't have to take any programming classes in the future. I really miss my computer architecture class but I don't really like the programming part. Once I start sitting in front of my computer to do my programming,I lost count of the difference between the day and the night and I lost count of the number of meals I had taken so far. I hating doing my programming during the weekend but there is nothing that I can do since I always take so much time to finish my assignment. Am I a machine or am I a real human being? If I am a real human being, why do I spend most of my time understanding the computer world? If I am a machine, why don't I understand how to do stuffs in their world? If I am in between, what should I do? Is there a balance that I can find?

Japan House and Ideal Garden

My New Room

My comfortable Bed

My DIY Notice Board

My desk

My Magical Mirror

Art Pieces from my Paper Making class

The white book with some Japanese titles is a gift from my teacher during my first Paper Making class. The scratch book with the beautiful black cover is the first scratch book I made in the class. Can you believe it? I actually made the three sheets of papers all by myself!

Stressful weekend

Sometimes I just wish that they will choose me over other stuffs but if I were put in the same situation that they faced,will I choose myself? Is it really about making a choice? Am I considerate enough? I admit that I was disappointed but at the same time, I have learned that they will make the same choice any way because that is their principles. Maybe I should care so much about what others think. I know that I still have my friends and my family to count on even though they maybe far away. It does not occur to me that I had to question about their choices because I know that deep down in their heart they really care about me and love me.


To my lovely brother, you sounded so sick in the phone last night. I am so worried. Hope that you will get well soon.

To my friends who are having a stressful weekend, I hope that tomorrow will be a new beginning for you.